Edge of the Road

Overheard: Sanford, Maine

Overheard:

"My name is October, but I go by June." 

The Scene:

My friend Danielle heard this while eating at The Weathervane Seafood Restaurant in Sanford, ME.  Danielle asked her waitress--a woman likely in her mid-50s--about her nametag with the curiously-abbreviated "Octob" written on it.  The waitress said that her given name is October, but that month never fit her personality.  She believed herself to be much more summery.  

Danielle claims that if you're named after a month, you have the freedom to pick another month as your nickname.  

I agree. 

Overheard: Homewood, AL Post Office

Overheard:

Female Post Office employee as she keys in letters on her register: "Okay, Liberia. L-I-B..."

Male customer: "...E-R-I-A.  Are you always tired?"

P.O.: "Say it again."

Customer: "Do you need more energy?  I never sleep anymore.  Don't have to.  I have more time to work.  I have to stay up so I can work on my computer.  Lots of reading, you know.  And work.  I'm shipping these pills all over the world.  Brazil.  Zimbabwe.  Liberia." 

P.O.: "So those boxes you have there are full of pills?"

Customer: "Yeah.  They're all about energy.  And all organic.  That's my business.  I sell them.  I sell them all over the world.  You would love them.  I promise."

P.O.: "Well, you've got 50 lbs. there.  And if you want to send them to, uh..."

Customer: "Liberia."

P.O.: "Yeah, Liberia.  If you want to send them there, it's gonna be $700."

Customer: (silence)

P.O.: "So what do you think?"

Customer: "Why don't you help these nice people behind me in line.  I've got to think about this."

The Scene:

The customer was stocky and slick. Flowy Hawaiian shirt, loafers, linen pants short enough to show bare ankles. The Post Office employee, whose tone never changed despite the man's hard sell, peered through gold-rimmed glasses when looking at her register screen and over them when looking at the customer. 

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Seen on the Road: Xi'an, China

A friend of mine sent me this pic after her recent trip to China. 

The sign hangs outside the bathroom at the Qin Shi Huang Terracotta Warriors and Horses Museum near Xi'an. The museum features over 8,000 life-size terracotta figures--a clay army of men, chariots, and horses-- that had been buried around 210 BCE to defend Emperor Qin Shi Huang in his next life.

Apparently the warriors also over-endorse the cleanliness of the loo.

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Overheard: Altamont Road, Birmingham

Overheard:

"They say I'm bossy.  I say I'm just under-consulted."

The Scene:  

I greet this middle-aged woman often on my morning jogs. She's a stocky, short-haired brunette. Barrel-waisted. Straight-forward. Sensible. She has a military gait with fists pumping in stride.  Her black fanny pack--a white head phones cord disappearing into it--frees her hands to gesture. Yet she doesn't.

She kicks an upward lilt to the end of her salutations, like the receptionist in Office Space.

"Good mor-NING." 

She says it with a clip. Impersonally. And a little too loudly. I am suspicious of her politeness. I would recognize her anywhere. On the bread aisle at the grocery store. Near the concierge desk in a hotel lobby. But I don't think she would recognize me.

She usually walks alone, but today she had a partner when I heard her say the above line.

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Overheard: Greensboro, NC Airport

Overheard:

“Can I use your phone? My son’s out there on the tarmac, and he’s waiting, and I just want to tell him he doesn’t have to wait much longer.  I tried to use the pay phone, but I can’t get him. He’s in the Army, and he’s on his way to Afghanistan.  He’s got two vacation days, and then he’s gone for 18 months.  I just want to tell him he doesn’t have to wait."

 

(into the cell phone, speaking to the soldier on the plane)

 

“I’m in the sports bar, and I’m looking at your plane.  You shouldn’t be delayed much longer.  This man let me use his cell phone.  He wanted me to tell you thank you for your service…Alright, buddy, I’ll talk to you soon.” 

 

 

The Scene:

The speaker is an anxious dad; almost frantic.  He's in a red and green plaid short-sleeved shirt and khaki Carhartt pants.  The stranger with the cell phone is wearing a white polo shirt beneath a gray sport coat.

 

When the father hands the phone back, he reaches into his front right pocket. 

 

“Can I pay you for the call?” he asks.

 

The stranger shakes his head. Says not to worry about it.

 

The dad relaxes saying, “May God bless you.”

 

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Overheard: Brookwood Med Center, Birmingham, AL

Overheard:

"I don't have change for a $20.  Our office manager was out Thursday, Friday, and Monday, and we've been a little off kilter.  She does all the banking for us.  I would hate to do the banking.  I'd probably get hit on the head carrying around a bag full of cash.  Her husband's a sheriff's deputy, so she probably has a cannon in her console.  I mean, I don't know for sure, but probably.  Do you just want us to bill you?"

The Scene:

A receptionist wearing purple scrubs and a nifty headset at the desk where I was checking out.   Ever notice that some of the best exchanges happen in doctors' offices?

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Seen on the Road: Billy Beer Cans, Plains, GA

The Plain Peanuts store anchors downtown Plains, the South Georgia home of President Jimmy Carter. When I say "downtown," I mean a single block of buildings lining the railroad tracks parallel to Hwy 27. You can't miss the store. They fly a giant red, white, and blue banner (see pic below in the post) praising their famous native son.  

Yes, the free samples of fried peanuts, peanut brittle, and peanut ice cream are all worth a try, but the most interesting finds are the unopened Billy Beer cans sold for $5 a pop...