Edge of the Road

Charlotte: Airport

I overheard this guy say he, "imports machinery." Say his company, "dominates the wood industry." Mixed. Messages.

Sweet paisley. Stripes & solids are overrated.

Overheard: Birmingham, AL, Hobby Lobby

"I used to tell people the only way they wouldn't get their framed pictures is if a tornado came by and blew away the store. After what happened in Tuscaloosa*, I don't say that anymore."

--Carl, Framing Department

*a tornado came by and blew away the store

 

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STL: Overheard: "I trust the weatherman about like I trust women..."

Overheard: 

"I trust the weatherman about like I trust women. Oh, I listen. But I don't do anything. I want to see how it's gonna turn out first."

The Scene: 

I was cabbing to downtown St. Louis, small-talking about the heavy cloud cover, when the driver dropped this gem.  

While he was driving, he got a call from his son's daycare teacher.  Apparently the kid didn't have the right color shoes on for school, and I was privy to the driver's version of that little spat. 

NYC: Overheard about a lame job with good benefits in a great city

Overheard:

"Right now, my job is to see my orthodontia through to the end."

The Scene:

My friend is an actor in New York. And like most actors in New York, he wrestles his balance between "The Dream" of the stage and the "The Dull" of a day job.   

He says that a normal morning consists of printing out the countless and pointless e-mails his boss sends him, then long scrolls and stops on the Entertainment Weekly website. 

Today, a lot of his energy will be spent investigating American Idol recaps.  

But his full-time gig (he knows it is a blessing in this economy) has good benefits, so he jumped on the Invisalign train last week, which prompted the above dental declaration.  

SuperBowl from NOLA: Overheard in the French Quarter

Overheard:

"When that game come on, these streets gonna be so quiet you could hear a mouse piss on cotton." 

To see other posts from the Super Bowl in NOLA, click here. 

Super Bowl from NOLA: Overheard on St. Charles

Overheard: 

One dude to another dude: "It's called Black and Gold flu, dude.  I ain't going to work on Monday." 

The Scene: 

This is a huge weekend for New Orleans.  Mardis Gras parades, a mayoral election (with a new mayor), and the beloved Saints in the Super Bowl.  Offices are expecting to record more than a few sick days on Monday. 

The guy I heard say this--burly, bearded, and decked out in Saints gear and Mardis Gras beads--won't be alone. 

To see other posts from the Super Bowl in NOLA, click here. 

Overheard: Springville, AL, Chevron

Overheard: 

Woman: Do you have Copenhagen Long Cut? 

Attendant: Fresh out. 

Woman: I've been across the street.  On the other side of the interstate. Ain't nobody's got it!

Attendant: What about the Wal-Marts? 

Woman: They want $3.20. That's ridiculous. But I guess I'm gonna have to go back. My husband will kill me if I don't come home with his can. 

(Woman exits.)

Attendant: I know how she feels.  My man's a jerk when he don't get to dip. 

The Scene:

The woman--long black hair pulled into a pony tail--dashed into the gas station in a mild panic, as evidenced by the sharp clang of the bell over the door.  I say panic, however I think her mood welled more from frustration.  The attendant--a woman with short brown curly hair--was only slightly sympathetic.  Her response was deadpanned. Her voice, gravelly. 

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Overheard: Homewood, AL, Oak Hill Bar

Overheard:

"God is in control.  (long pause) Until I get that sh*t cut off." 

The Scene:

Of all the vasectomy conversations I've ever overheard, this one has to be the classiest.

Only a few patrons slouched on stools at the Oak Hill Bar & Grill one Monday night a few weeks ago.  The volume on the NFL game was low, so we all shared in each other's discussions. 

With every Jack-and-Coke, (three? thirteen?) our hero--a tall, blonde kid in his mid-20s--got more and more animated.  

His girlfriend broached the topic of children.  She figured she'd have two or three.  

"I'm from a big family," he said. "So I'm thinking five, six...hell, even seven. God is in control. (long pause) Until I get that sh*t cut off." 

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Overheard: Sanford, Maine

Overheard:

"My name is October, but I go by June." 

The Scene:

My friend Danielle heard this while eating at The Weathervane Seafood Restaurant in Sanford, ME.  Danielle asked her waitress--a woman likely in her mid-50s--about her nametag with the curiously-abbreviated "Octob" written on it.  The waitress said that her given name is October, but that month never fit her personality.  She believed herself to be much more summery.  

Danielle claims that if you're named after a month, you have the freedom to pick another month as your nickname.  

I agree. 

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Overheard: Homewood, AL Post Office

Overheard:

Female Post Office employee as she keys in letters on her register: "Okay, Liberia. L-I-B..."

Male customer: "...E-R-I-A.  Are you always tired?"

P.O.: "Say it again."

Customer: "Do you need more energy?  I never sleep anymore.  Don't have to.  I have more time to work.  I have to stay up so I can work on my computer.  Lots of reading, you know.  And work.  I'm shipping these pills all over the world.  Brazil.  Zimbabwe.  Liberia." 

P.O.: "So those boxes you have there are full of pills?"

Customer: "Yeah.  They're all about energy.  And all organic.  That's my business.  I sell them.  I sell them all over the world.  You would love them.  I promise."

P.O.: "Well, you've got 50 lbs. there.  And if you want to send them to, uh..."

Customer: "Liberia."

P.O.: "Yeah, Liberia.  If you want to send them there, it's gonna be $700."

Customer: (silence)

P.O.: "So what do you think?"

Customer: "Why don't you help these nice people behind me in line.  I've got to think about this."

The Scene:

The customer was stocky and slick. Flowy Hawaiian shirt, loafers, linen pants short enough to show bare ankles. The Post Office employee, whose tone never changed despite the man's hard sell, peered through gold-rimmed glasses when looking at her register screen and over them when looking at the customer. 

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